My honey-bun has officially turned one! The cake has been eaten and the candle blown out (by an adult) for the celebration of her first year being alive in the world! All day I have been thinking back to how much my life has changed now that I am a parent and it is really true that nothing will ever fully prepare you for how much life changes. This time last year I had a block of ice down my pants, a newborn chomping on my boob and the most blissful feeling of happiness that she was finally in my arms.
It all feels like a bit of a blur but there are some moments that have been filed away, such as watching my husband learn how to do a diaper like he was defusing a bomb; begging for more disposable underwear because the nurses stowed them away like treasure and bursting into tears when the breastfeeding specialist labelled me an unfit mother with her judgmental eyes. Those first few days are such a mixture of joy, pain and tiredness, that it is probably a good thing I can only remember snippets. It also makes me very thankful for the technology we have now as I can look back at pictures and videos of that time and be instantly transported to that precious moment.
And out of everything; the unwanted parenting advice people give, the unbearable pain of birth and the endless breastfeeding torture, the one thing I regret over this past year is not taking more pictures. Now believe me, my phone is filled up with cute photos but I still feel that there are moments that I missed because I couldn’t be bothered to take a picture. Now that she is a year, I can look back and treasure all the unique moments we had together and know that she will never be that small and vulnerable again. Now she can bite my finger, throw her water cup at me and shout “Momma” louder than I like but she will never be the tiny little baby that slept in my arms for hours without moving.
I guess that is why people start considering having another child when their first is a year. We wish that our first child could have stayed a baby a little longer and that we might enjoy the baby phase more with a second child but I don’t think it works out like that. The baby moment I miss the most, is being able to nap beside my little girl. She would lie still and peacefully sleep on her side of the bed and I wouldn’t have to worry about her moving while I slept on my side. I would wake up next to her pudgy cheeks and smell her sweet head as she sucked her lips in and out as though she was feeding. If I do that with her now, she rolls around, slaps me in the face and sticks her fingers in my eyeballs!
So to anyone reading that is due a little bundle, enjoy every moment while you can, take pictures every second and ignore all the other nonsense!